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Trevor Daniel Jersey White

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    June 14, 2019 11:44 AM HKT

    Rise for People’s Anthem of Houston Texans.Comrades!Once again cousin UprootedTexan has bestowed great honor upon me to distribute factual information to adoring fans of Houston Texans!Before discussion of hotly anticipated contest between Houston Texans and team identifying as Dallas Cowboys begins Womens Arian Foster Jersey , let us relive glorious and definitive destruction of baby horse team of Indianapolis!First we must acknowledge physical attractiveness of baby horsemen quarterback Andrew Luck.I have great disagreement with cousin UT on this topic.Cousin UT slandered Luck as a “Humanzee” in previous information dispatch.Great disagreement in family is ongoing.Luck had best performance of young season in response to allegation he is product of Human and Chimpanzee parents.With great respect to UT, I vehemently denounce his opinions.Luck’s face is both pleasing to eye and effective against mammalian invaders!Voice so soothing it belong on loudspeaker at Siberian work camp!Baby horse coach Frank (last name redacted out of respect to fallen at Stalingrad) attempted to match wits with Comrade O’Brien.This did not go well.Despite Comrade O’Brien’s deployment of controversial new “fatalism” strategy, coach Frank unable to convert on late fourth down situation, creating opportunity for Comrade Watson to put Texans in position to snatch victory from the jaws of tie.O’Brien then put faith of entire nation of adoring Texans supporters in kicker with patently offensive first name.First kick was missed due to ongoing fatalism strategy, however coach Frank of baby horses gave additional opportunity to Texans with ill-fated time out.GLORY TO ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE we screamed as second kick sailed through uprights for decisive win.Additional ration of beets to Comrades Coutee, Watt, Clowney, and Watson for exemplary performance!After such decisive and brutal victory, Comrade Marshal O’Brien and victorious Texans turn ire toward farcical collection of rejects from Oklahoma southern territories identified as “Dallas Cowboys”.Oklahoman invaders have long history of horrible behavior befitting residents of such hopeless wasteland as “Dallas”.Life in such dystopian hellscape would drive many man to abuse of crack cocaine, or start new business trafficking drugs, or many other activities you or I would almost certainly partake in if forced to live in Dallas.Dallas also home to infamous criminal organizations such as Texas Rangers, Dallas Mavericks, and murderous disruptors of peace, Dixie Chicks.But peace and football-loving fans of Houston Texans live all around globe as well as beautiful, prosperous, culturally-diverse Houston.However, friends, Houston’s great superiority to Dallas in every imaginable way is not topic for today as this is verifiable (and rule of law).Topic of concern is contest televised to all the world on Sunday Night Football pitting Houston Texans against Oklahoman Invaders of “Dallas”.On field, no question talent of Houston Texans outshines that of Cowboys.Comrade Marshal O’Brien need only point to overwhelming skills of J.J. Watt, Jadeveon Clowney , Tyrann Mathieu, Deshaun Watson, DeAndre Hopkins, and feral Keke Coutee.Not to mention, gigantic mega-brain of Comrade Marshal O’Brien, who continues to innovate weekly with tactics never seen on gridiron. Many questioned Comrade O’Brien’s tactic of “Terrible Pre-Deshaun Watson Offense” for first three weeks of season.Chief critics of Terrible Pre-Deshaun Watson Offense have suffered many inexplicable accidents involving hotel room windows and food poisoning.This further illustrates poor judgement of critics.Unable to analyze football tactics!No surprise, also unable to operate hotel room window and balcony!Unable to eat unspoiled food!Comrade O’Brien returned offense to prominence in previous week after allowing three weeks opponent confidence building.Classic tactical wizardry by Comrade O’Brien.Nobody has ever seen brain as big as Comrade O’Brien’s.Is biggest, best, and most historical brain in history of football (and brains), believe me.Unfortunately for prosperous, peace and football-loving fans of Houston Texans, enormous brain of O’Brien cannot perform on field barring rule changes and new equipment.Contents of enormous brain must translate to play on field.Teaching and study of opponents happening as we speak to contain singular threat to Houston Texans in upcoming contest—Ezekiel Elliott.Despite family lineage being traced back to Endor, Elliott must not be overlooked.Ewoks known for escapability, determination, shiftiness, and ability to win under dire circumstances.Ewoks also known to destroy franchise, but Cowboys Supreme Leader Jerry Jones loves nothing more than chaos and destruction.BRING ME THE CHILDREN.As Texans must only concern themselves with wily and elusive running back, rest of defensive gameplan should be simple for Genius Coordinator Romeo Crennel.Stop potentially dangerous ground attack from opponent and force young quarterback to throw to collection of displaced Canadian Football League receivers.Release Comrades Watt, Clowney, and Friends to Badgers Tyrann Mathieu.Quick work will be made of Cowboy “offense” and large Ewok person.On other side of ball Womens Derek Newton Jersey , now that ruse of Terrible Pre-Deshaun Watson Offense has served purpose, Texans should make feast of fifth-ranked Dallas defense.Dallas defense so laughably pathetic it cannot even break top four in NFL!Disgusting!Texans’ offense, despite stratagem of Terrible Pre-Deshaun Watson Offense in first three weeks, is ranked fifth offense in NFL.Glory to Houston Texans Offense!Expect Sunday night crowd in Houston to be in celebratory mood as preparation for contest will begin long before commencement of match!Many, many hours of preparation for contest.So many hours of... fuel...will be consumed to power nationally-televised destruction of Oklahoma invaders on Sunday Night Football!Rejoice!Soon entire nation will know of our dominance!THANK YOU AGAIN TO COUSIN FOR ALLOWING ENJOYABLE GUEST ENTRY. GLORY TO MOTHER HOUSTON AND ALL HER PEACE AND FOOTBALL-LOVING FANS!效褌芯斜褘 褋褌芯谢褘 谢芯屑邪谢懈褋褜 芯褌 懈蟹芯斜懈谢懈褟, 邪 泻褉芯胁邪褌懈 芯褌 谢褞斜胁懈! Hear me out."Don’t get me wrong.Watching Le’Veon Bell run all over the Jaguars, Colts, and Titans twice a year would be a great thing. And the scary flip side of Houston not signing Bell is him landing with the Colts.But good leadership is never motivated by fear. While Bell is one of, if not the hottest names on the free agent market right now, throwing crazy money at him as ESPN’s Sarah Barshop suggests is plain insane. Throwing that sort of cash at a pair of offensive tackles will go much farther in fixing what ails the Houston Texans’roster than any single running back ever could. In fact, there’s no guarantee a prime Arian Foster or Earl Campbell could run behind Houston’s current offensive line, so committing nearly a third of Houston’s available cap space to a tailback who may or may not have character issues, may or may not ever “try to be the best teammate” he can be, and may or may not stay healthy for an entire season is an all splash no substance move for sure.Nevertheless, here’s what Barshop wrote:What about the O-Line? Cornerbacks? Kareem Jackson? Wide receiver? Putting all that cash into one facet of the game, just to watch him tilt at the windmill of the O’Brien A-Gap behind the worst line in the NFL—a line Houston can’t upgrade solely in the 2019 NFL Draft—would simply be gross mismanagement. Thankfully, Brian Gaine, not Sarah, is the general manager (nothing against Ms. Barshop, I’m sure she’s an awesome human being Womens Jay Prosch Jersey , just not a cap guru). In another piece, Barshop continued to stump for Bell:The mention of Deshaun Watson is highlighted for effect: As if Watson suddenly won’t add to Houston’s run game next season? While re-signing Jadeveon Clowney is a must/no-brainer, only focusing on skill-position players is what creates losers. Committing well over half of the available cap space to two players, on a team with needs at o-line, cornerback, d-line, wide receiver, running back, and tight end, makes no sense. How can you address all those other positions with $32 million, which is roughly what would be left after signing Clowney and Bell? With Pro Bowl offensive linemen cashing $10 million or more per year paychecks and cornerbacks making slightly more, you could eat up all the rest of the cap space with an LT, RT and CB with nothing left to sign the impending crop of draft picks...much less offensive guards, defensive tackles, wide receivers, or anything else. With very, very few exceptions, NFL champions are built in the trenches. Teams with the ability to block in the run and passing game, and teams able to stop those facets of their opponents, are the teams that win. When was the last time you saw the Patriots Trevor Daniel Jersey White , Steelers, Cowboys or 49ers advance to the Super Bowl with bad line play? In fact, with the exception of the Peyton Manning led Broncos, none of the top five teams to appear in the Super Bowl did so with a below average o-line. Sure, having Le’veon Bell on the Texans would be great if this was Madden and we turned the salary cap off, but bringing him to town in lieu of so many other pieces this team needs is wasteful and short-sighted. There are plenty of quality running backs Houston can choose from for far less money. If it were a guarantee that Bell would rack up 2,000+ yards, 20+ touchdowns and help Houston hoist the Lombardi Trophy at the end of next season, throw the check book at him and let him write in whatever crazy number he wants. Reality and history show that signing a big name free agent to a giant contract is seldom a guarantee of postseason success.Not to detract from Bell’s abilities in any way, but his success with the Steelers is no guarantee he’ll succeed anywhere else, especially in Houston. If Houston wanted to throw money at an ex-Steeler, they’d be better off going after Antonio Brown, who could be had for far less than Barshop’s proposed $26 mil a year, wouldn’t need to have the offensive line fixed to contribute immediately, and would essentially be plug-and-play in H-Town’s offense. Odds are, neither will happen.Keep your eyes peeled for Trent Brown, Ju’Wuan James, and a possible a draft day trade for Patrick Peterson long before any of the Iron City (un)faithful end up in Houston.